Even Now

10:55. Busy airport. New York City. Blue shorts. Gray shirt. Oversized jacket. As I sit here and watch the hundreds of people walk by, I can’t help but think about what you’re doing. Where you are. Who you are. I can’t help but think that some day soon, 10:55 will be so much more than a number. So much more than an hour on the clock. I can’t help but think that some day soon, 10:55 will be spent with you::

10:55. Sleepy eyes. Freshly washed sheets. Rolling over to find you there beside me. Whispered good mornings. Forehead kisses. Morning coffee. Shared devotions. Sweet seconds of prayer.

10:55.

You and me.

Welcome to my brain.

Where are you at 10:55 this July day? What makes you tick? What are your biggest fears? Worries? Dreams? Desires? Who are you? Have we met? Am I writing to the young man I am currently so blessed to call mine? The young man whose jacket I am currently wearing? And if not, I hope you have some weird thing for awkward girls and messy buns who live on mint chocolate chip ice cream and sappy Hallmark channel movies.

I desperately wish I could close my eyes and wish you by my side. But I’m waiting. And I’m praying.

I’ll be honest, I haven’t always waited well. I haven’t always waited patiently for love. I used to pray…no, beg God to let certain boys ask me out, and when they did not, I would shake my fist at the sky and scream at God “Why? Why? Why?” as a little piece of my heart cracked open, leaving an ever-growing hole. A hole that I did not realize only God could fill if only I would learn to fall in-love with Him. If only I would let Him pursue me and woo me. If only I would learn to make Him the Lover of my soul.

This is only a part of my testimony, my story. A part that makes me who I am today. I have scars from those years, but these scars only remind me of God’s faithfulness – His unconditional, unchangeable, chain-breaking, burden-freeing love. I pray that you will be given the grace and the understanding to love me for all that I am and the love and patience to encourage me in this journey called life, pointing me away from my past and towards Jesus.

I am praying for you, my dear. Everyday I am praying. I am praying that even in this very moment, 10:55 A.M., you are being shaped and molded into the man that God has designed you to be. A man who will pursue the will of the Lord with every breath you have. A man who will not forget to be awed by the beauty of each day, each blessing the Lord sends your way. I pray that even in this very moment, 10:55 A.M., you are surrendering yourself to the will of God, making yourself the clay and Him the Potter. I pray that in the face of trial – when the babies are sick, when the money just isn’t there, when work gets hard and our marriage gets harder, when you cannot feel the presence of the Lord – you will be on your knees, hands lifted to the sky, Bible wide open in front of you, fighting hell for our family. I pray that in times of joy – when we’re celebrating birthdays and holidays, when our children succeed, when we are reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness and our marriage is strong, full of the love that I pray will define us – you will be on your knees, hands lifted to the sky, Bible wide open in front of you, singing praises to God from whom all blessings flow. And I pray that He will do the same for me so that my heart will be ready to love and encourage and stand by you no matter the season.

I hope that by the time I can call you mine, you are already in-love. I hope you have found the same unconditional, unchangeable, chain-breaking, burden-freeing love I have found, and am still discovering daily, in my Jesus. I hope you have uncovered grace upon grace, and that it is that same love and that same grace that leads you to me.

I love you dear.

Even now.

(Inspired by Lauren Black from she-laughs.com)