The Testimony in Not Having a Testimony.

          

           When I was a junior in high school, my rhetoric teacher had each of us share our testimony before the entire class.  At the time, I remember going home and stressing about the fact that I didn’t have a testimony.  Sure, I was a Christian, but I had accepted Jesus into my heart at a very young age.  I didn’t have this grand “experience” where I was convicted of all of my worldly passions and sins.  I was simply a young girl who loved Jesus.  What was I going to say?  “Hey y’all!  Here’s my testimony:: I became a Christian when I was six years old.  I still believe in Jesus.  The end.”  …Purely thrilling…

            My fellow classmates detailed stories of drug and alcohol abuse, sexual immorality, self-harm, and other dramatic tales before meeting Jesus.  Compared to them, my testimony seemed unimportant.  Worthless, even.  Jesus didn’t rescue me from a pit of substance abuse.  I wasn’t ever sexually assaulted and I’m still a virgin.  My parents didn’t abuse me in any way.  I was just a little girl who loved Jesus and wanted Him to be a part of me. 

            Have you ever felt that way?  That you don’t have a testimony to share?  That your story would be totally ineffective in bringing someone to the Kingdom of Heaven?  That was how I felt in that moment.  It was as if I didn’t have anything worth sharing.

What exactly is a testimony?

For us as Christians, our testimony is how we came to know the one and only God of the Bible through the Holy Spirit’s stirring inside of us – in our hearts, souls, and minds.  For many, this includes a radically worldly life prior to the Holy Spirit’s moving – drugs, alcohol, sex.  But for others, like me, there was no arresting experience.  The Holy Spirit simply moved and we answered.  And you know what?  That’s okay!

What I have come to learn since that junior year assignment is that my “boring” story, is actually quite incredible.  It is a testimony of God’s beautiful grace.

Grace is a manifestation of favor.  It is love.  It is pardon from our sins through the blood of Jesus.  Grace comes when we accept that we are human in all that that implies and we realize that the only way we can ever be saved from our ugly and broken nature is through God.  As I learn more about this thing called grace, I realize that there is testimony in not having a testimony.

For those who endured unfortunate, heart-breaking, regret-inducing life events prior to meeting Jesus, they have every reason to see their humanness.  They have had every opportunity to come to the realization that their own wants and desires will never be enough to fulfill them.  They have had every broken moment to experience their utter depravity.  They are able to fully see their need for a Savior in living color.  When the Holy Spirit moves, promising a full and beautiful life, of course they are going to take it!  This same story is told time and time again.  Broken people aware of their human depravity and need for Jesus coming to the foot of the cross.  Accepting the grace that the blood of Jesus has to offer.

That is grace indeed.  But it is not radical grace. 

The marvelous picture of grace is seen in me.  It is seen in those who have lived a righteous life and yet are still able to see their depravity. 

I was six years old.  My worst sin was probably eating an extra chocolate chip cookie after my mama told me, “No.”  I went to church every week.  I attended a Christian school.  I could tell you the story of Noah and his ark forwards and backwards.  When all was said and done, I was a pretty good girl (or at least I think I was… You would have to ask my parents if you wanted the truth J).  I had absolutely no reason to recognize my own brokenness, to understand my desperate need for a savior.  But I did.  And I grabbed on to that promise of grace with both hands.

Friend, if you think you do not have a testimony worth sharing, look at the grace that has been extended to you.  That you have been able to see the mark that sin has left on you in spite of your good life is a testimony in and of itself.  You had no reason to.  You were not evil or wicked in human eyes.  And yet, you did…

That is grace, my friend.

That is a grace-filled testimony.

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