To Turn and Flee.

I’m a planner.

I like to have every aspect of my day planned out to a T.  I like to make a schedule and stick to it.  I need structure.  If my plan is to meet someone or do something at noon and the plan changes last minute, I get stressed, anxious.  If my family wants to go to breakfast the following morning, but doesn’t say what time in an attempt to just “play it by ear,” I have a pit of uncertainty resting in my stomach until a specific time is named.

My tendency to plan seeps into other aspects of my life as well.  I long to control my future.  I have my future school, my future major, my future graduate degree, my future job, my future husband (or at least what I want in a spouse), my future kids and their future names, and my future pets all planned out.  This has always been the case.  It’s just the way I am. 

I think being a planner – wanting to be in control – is human nature.  Nobody likes being out-of-control, being at the mercy of someone or something else.  It’s scary.  It’s confusing.  It’s stressful.  However, we live in an unpredictable world with unpredictable people and an unpredictable God.  As such, there comes a point in everyone’s lives where they find themselves face-to-face with the unknown.  Changed plans.  Shattered dreams.  Broken lives.  Life happens.  We can’t control it.  But we can control how we respond to it.

In the book of Matthew, Jesus’ disciples are faced with a challenge.  In the midst of celebrating the Passover, Jesus has informed His disciples that one of His fervent followers is going to betray Him.  Astonished, each man cries that they would never do such a horrendous thing.  “Even if I have to die with You,” Peter exclaims, “I will not deny You!”  And so say all the disciples.  It is a solemn moment as each declares their loyalty to their beloved friend and teacher.  But it doesn’t last.

21 verses later, the disciples who had so confidently sworn that they would stay by Jesus’ side no matter what suddenly flee.  “Then all the disciples forsook Him and fled” (Matthew 26:56b, NKJV).  These passionate followers of the Lord abruptly abandon Him in Jesus’ greatest hour of need.  Why?  What happened in the hearts of these men of Christ that they would turn their backs on the King of the World?

“Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and took Him.  And suddenly, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out his hand and drew his sword, struck the servant of the high priest, and cut off his ear.

Jesus said, ‘Put your sword back where it belongs.  All who use swords are destroyed by swords.  Don’t you realize that I am able right now to call to my Father, and twelve companies – more, if I want them – of fighting angels would be here, battle-ready?  But if I did that, how would the Scriptures come true that say this is the way it has to be?’” (Matthew 26:50-54, NKJV, MSG). 

Jesus reveals a hard truth to His disciples:: He has the power, the ability, to change this.  With a single word, Jesus could summon thousands of angels to come to His aid and fight for Him.  He could end this, change His fate, right here, right now.  But He is choosing not to.

            This had to be heart-breaking for the disciples.  Their swords were drawn and they were ready to fight for their Lord.  They had a plan, and Jesus being arrested and crucified was not it.  Oh, how I can relate!  I have a plan.  I know how I want my life to turn out.  And struggle and hardship, pain and sorrow is not a part of that plan.  But the thing is, sometimes, it is a part of God’s plan.  And that’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when we realize that with one word, God can take all of the pain and all of the sorrow away but He’s choosing not to.

            When life doesn’t go as planned, I tend to get stressed and anxious.  I feel trapped in an out-of-control, unpredictable, messy life, and to be honest, I don’t like it.  I cannot control the events, the circumstances, the unpredictability of life.  But I can control how I respond to the unknown.

            When faced with Jesus’ arrest, the disciples could look at this unexpected event one of two ways::

1.)   Disillusionment and utter disappointment.

The disciples had a plan and Jesus dying was not a part of it.  They were confused and disappointed that Jesus had the ability to change His (and their) fate, and yet He was choosing not to.  Is Jesus really who we thought He was?  Is He truly the Lord?  I thought Jesus was good, but this doesn’t look or feel good right now.  These are the thoughts I imagine were flashing through the disciples’ brains as one-by-one they turned their backs and fled from Jesus.

When something happens in life that catches me off guard with pain and hurt, it is so hard to see that this detour could be part of a bigger plan.  A plan to bring about something beautiful and holy and good.  I cry out to God and beg for Him to save me, but when my pleas fall of deaf ears, it is so easy to question God’s goodness and love.  How can a good God let this happen? 

It is easy to walk away from Him when we don’t understand Him.  It is easy to turn our backs and flee.

2.)   Love.

This is the other response we can choose when faced with a change of plans.  If we predetermine that no matter what happens we are going to stand on the truth that God loves us, then we can filter everything through that reality. 

Too often, we view God’s love as something He feels for us, not realizing that feelings are fickle.  They sway with situations, circumstances, and events.  Rather, we must learn to look at God’s love for us as a fact that doesn’t change.  God’s love is a certainty above every circumstance.  And it was His love for us that kept Him on the unpredictable path to the cross.

           

            Like the disciples, we have the same choice to make.  When life doesn’t go as we had planned – when the waves of pain threaten to overwhelm us or we are thrown into the fire of fear – we can choose to respond with blinding disillusionment and sheer disappointment, causing us to turn and flee or we can respond in magnifying love as we remember and rest in God’s never-ending love for us.

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